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 The Awesome Story Of Storyness!

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How good is this story?
Awesome!
100%
 100% [ 1 ]
Great!
0%
 0% [ 0 ]
Okay
0%
 0% [ 0 ]
Fair
0%
 0% [ 0 ]
Poor
0%
 0% [ 0 ]
Total Votes : 1
 

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OldRobberBaron
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PostSubject: The Awesome Story Of Storyness!   Thu Jun 18, 2009 1:47 pm

Okay, we had to write a story for homework, well we do, and I wanted beta readers before I hand it in. Tell me what you think using the poll, and also please posts comments below.

The Story That Doesn't Have A Name Yet!

Prologue

There was no breeze as Jason made his way up to the door; it seemed as though even the wind had given up. The steps preluding him seemed to go on forever, each time his foot clashing on the heavy stone. A shrill perk of fear ran down his spine; why had he got himself into this? He continued his journey, walking ever closer to that dreaded wooden object. He reached out, his hand grasping the cold metal knob. He made no attempt to knock, simply entering. He creeped through the hallway and began up the stairs. He couldn't step - that would be too loud, he quickly rested his foot, then bounced off onto the other. After what seemed like an eternity, he finally reached the bedroom. He hid the metal device in the hole behind the painting – just like they had said. He then carefully retired, drawing back down the stairs and out onto the street. He wouldn’t return to the man who’d sent him; all he could do now is simply wait.

Chapter 1 - Awoken

Not the best feeling when you’ve just woken up after a long night. Jason sat up in his bed, with a throbbing headache, as if his body was punishing him for getting to bed so late. He slowly stood, but as he stretched his eyes did not meet with what expected. He was in a room, like in a hotel, but smaller and shabbier. All there was in the room was a bed, a small desk, and a chair. At the side, there was a postcard window with curtains that looked like they’d come out of leftovers at a garbage strike. There was also a letter on the desk, marked ‘Jason Sims’. “Well,” he thought, “That’s me, so…” He walked forwards, picking up the object that lay in front of him. He turned it over, and ripped open the seal. The letter looked like it had just come out of a shredder, all cut up and in strips. Finding each margin, he pieced together the note; but he knew who it was from before even reading it:

J,

Okay, you put the bomb in the room, well done, but you did not return as instructed. Therefore, you will be suspended here until we are sure your work is complete. Shortly, you will meet Miss Yawn, and she will give further instructions. You will be let go when we think you’re ready, which may be about a year. Don’t try to escape as we have guards working round the clock, and so you’d likely to be shot.

M


His handwriting looked as if he had scribbled on a page, ripped it up and then meshed it all together and hoped it would work. What did he mean ‘until we are sure your work is complete’? And ‘don’t try to escape’, he didn’t even know were he was! Also, it was strange how he always put people’s initials. Jason knew that the ‘m’ was for Mark. Mark Twain, the manipulative bully and head of a criminal organisation. Jason and Mark knew each other from high school, but Mark hadn’t changed a bit from the selfish life he had harboured. But finally, who was Miss Yawn? As if she had read his mind, a strict voice came from behind Jason.
“Jason Sims, stand up this instance!”
Jason simply turned in his chair, facing towards her.
“That’s funny, I didn’t here you come in.” he said, putting on a relaxed tone to show he wasn’t scared of her. She had the kind of shape and posture that you’d find in only the most irritating and mean teachers from a boring old history lesson.
“I said stand up!”
“Hey!” began Jason, now in a more cool sense, “Take a chill pill ma’am! I just got ‘ere, so first before I do anything you tell me what’s goin’ on!”
Jason could see the irritation swirling up in her face as a bright pool of mixtures of red and purple, he liked to see she was cracking up.
“Stand up now!”
“And what if I don’t?”
This time she left, slamming the door behind her. He could hear frustrated footsteps clanging down the hallway. Next thing he knew, a man in a guard uniform came in, but he didn’t look at all tough, more of a wimp really. As soon as his voice cut in, Jason wanted to burst out laughing, but he knew it wasn’t the best idea at this time.
“You will follow me please!” he squeaked in the most high-pitched tone you had ever heard.
“Sure thing Squiggles!” laughed Jason. He finally got up, and followed ‘Squiggles’ down the hall and to an office; he read the name on the door, ‘Kevin Starch’.
“Mr Starch is a tough one, you’d be lucky to survive a single minute.” said Squiggles, with an attempt to sound threatening that failed miserably.
“Oh, watch out for Kevin!” he joked again.

Unfinished, promise to update soon!


Last edited by RobberBaron on Thu Jun 18, 2009 1:48 pm; edited 2 times in total (Reason for editing : :gnitide rof nosaeR)
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PostSubject: Re: The Awesome Story Of Storyness!   Fri Jun 19, 2009 12:16 pm

Mark Twain's a manipulative bully!? Times have changed! (lol)

And I thought the story homework had to be one and a half pages! (A4, I think)

That's what I was told anyway!

AMAZING story.
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PostSubject: Re: The Awesome Story Of Storyness!   Fri Jun 19, 2009 12:16 pm

Haha Squiggles.
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PostSubject: Re: The Awesome Story Of Storyness!   Fri Jun 19, 2009 1:03 pm

Lol

Who said it had to be that long? I wanted to make it really long. During writing I just thought of the name Mark Twain and only remembered what it meant after. Lol Squiggles; watch out for Kevin!
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PostSubject: Re: The Awesome Story Of Storyness!   Mon Jun 22, 2009 9:38 am

Update soon, right?
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PostSubject: Re: The Awesome Story Of Storyness!   Tue Jun 23, 2009 12:10 pm

Melon wrote:
Mark Twain's a manipulative bully!? Times have changed! (lol)

And I thought the story homework had to be one and a half pages! (A4, I think)

That's what I was told anyway!

AMAZING story.

Everyone thinks it has to be a different length, it's confusing!

I want to update soon but since I left it hanging it's hard to get back into the feel of it, I just don't know what to write.

How's yours coming along?
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PostSubject: Re: The Awesome Story Of Storyness!   Tue Jun 23, 2009 12:30 pm

Mine is finished.

My story is about a bully who writes stories to get away from nasty comments and stuff like that. Her latest "victim" finds the story and sends it round to everyone. She thinks it's really good; the bully misinterperets it as them all mocking it. She gets upset. It turns out that the victim changes the bully for the better.

(C) MEEEE 2009.

LOL.

I changed the ideas so many times!!! I will publish it once I've given it in.
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PostSubject: Re: The Awesome Story Of Storyness!   Tue Jun 23, 2009 1:46 pm

Um, don't you mean copyright it? Publishing is expensive! Copyrighting doesn't cost too much, I would post the citation but I forgot the link.
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PostSubject: Re: The Awesome Story Of Storyness!   Wed Jun 24, 2009 9:34 am

Oh oops I meant I'll write it up here.
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PostSubject: Re: The Awesome Story Of Storyness!   Wed Jun 24, 2009 12:33 pm

I'm updating now. Also, do you think I should just continue this story, then hand in a shorter version for homework and put a link to where it can be read online?
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PostSubject: Re: The Awesome Story Of Storyness!   Thu Jun 25, 2009 4:54 am

If you want...!
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